Ed LaBonte
Athol, Massachusetts
Baha'i since November 2007

After being an atheist my whole life, I decided, as part of a midlife crisis, that there had to be something out there that was better than nothing. Secular humanists say you have to make your own meaning, but when you’re faced with a gigantic universe that doesn’t care about you, it’s hard to do.

With that philosophy, you always wind up being alone. And it’s hard to find meaning when you’re alone. I used to believe in a totally mechanical universe. But if you create something from scratch, you have to start somewhere. Science can’t explain everything. I didn’t even go to the point of asking where the universe comes from.


Ed LaBonte So at age 54, atheism wasn’t nurturing my soul. I desperately needed to find something that would. The need lay in my stomach like a brick. It made me depressed. So I investigated various religions.

Buddhism seemed the least problematic, but it didn’t hit the spot. Then I remembered the Baha'i Faith, which I had looked into about 10 years earlier. As I began reading about the Faith, it became a real attraction. It latched onto me and wouldn’t let go.

Interestingly, my attraction to the Faith was coming more from my heart than my head, particularly the principle of oneness -- one society, one God. That was a different experience for me as being an atheist had satisfactorily helped me resolve intellectual questions.

On the other hand, although the Baha'i Faith is a religion, it’s objectively real, something I can accept. (I’m currently reading God Passes By by Shoghi Effendi to learn about the early development of the Faith.) One of the questions I asked while investigating religions was “Does it work in the real world?” The Baha'i Faith does. It promotes the equality of the sexes and the elimination of prejudice, among other social principles I believe in.

I’ve been a Baha'i only since November, but I’ve already noticed a difference in myself. One of the biggest changes is being less judgmental and catching myself when I gossip. (Backbiting and gossip are forbidden in the Baha’i Faith.) I didn’t realize how often I do that. It’s easy to do in conversations when you’re talking about other people, which is what we do all the time.

I’ve also become more patient and able to turn things over to God. For example, my car was recently rear-ended. I survived, but my car didn’t. The accident actually strengthened my faith. Before becoming a Baha'i, I would possibly have panicked and taken my fear out on the guy who hit me by yelling at him. But I was able to detach myself from the situation and think, “Everyone makes mistakes.”

Being able to detach has taken a weight off me. Before joining the Baha'i Faith I was attached to relying on things going well in life to give me a sense of strength. And I would worry that things wouldn’t go well.

Another change is that I’m no longer sarcastic about religion. My wife, Gwendolyn, is an observant Catholic and would let me know when I was being sarcastic. Now she sees someone who respects her religion as well as other faiths. She also has seen a real change in my personality. I’m happier and less argumentative.

I admit I still have moments in which I question the existence of a God. At these times I call to mind Pascal’s Thoughts, in which the 17th century philosopher introduced what has come to be known as Pascal's Wager: If you bet that God exists, you get eternal life. If you “lose the bet,” you lose absolutely nothing.