Finding a match made in heaven starts with knowing what criteria not to use in picking a mate, says J.R. (Jamie Rose) Marghi, a psychotherapist and Baha'i in Silver Spring, Md.

First on the list is not getting to know the person well enough.

"A quick engagement is long on fantasy and short on reality," Ms. Marghi says. "Research shows that dating two years on average yields a more stable relationship and allows you to be with your partner in different contexts."

In our society, Ms. Marghi says, a date usually consists of going to a restaurant and movie. But that isn't enough to get to know the other person.

"It's important to spend time in other contexts," she says. How about visiting each other's families? That can tell you quite a lot. Or seeing how your partner behaves around children? Or helping each other balance your checkbook to see how he or she handles money?

Ms. Marghi says if your partner passes those tests, go to the next step: steering clear of five common myths about marriage that deal with unrealistic expectations:
*All your personal problems will go away once you marry.
*Everything about your relationship with your partner will improve after you marry.
*You both want the same things from marriage.
*Your marriage will succeed, even though you're marrying Mr. or Ms. Right only to please your parents.
*Love conquers all -- even marrying at an early age, before you've had a chance to develop your sense of self.

In an age when half of marriages end in divorce, it's easy to not take marriage as seriously as you should, Ms. Marghi says. A healthy marriage - that is, one that gives equal balance to its spiritual, emotional and physical components -- carries great weight in the Baha'i Faith.

"Marriages make families, families make nations and nations make the world," Ms. Marghi says, "and one way to create world unity is to create it in the home.

"Marital therapists Les and Leslie Parrott say marriage is a ‘supernatural event founded upon a mutual exchange of holy pledges,'" Ms. Marghi says. "The soul strives for God, so you can still feel empty if there's no spirituality in your marriage. Studies show that couples who have spirituality in their marriage are happier than those in a purely secular marriage."

In fact, Ms. Marghi says, "scientific research confirms that tending to the spiritual dimension of marriage is what unites couples and helps create an unbreakable bond."